So after I had this amazing, super deep post a few weeks ago, there have been some developments. We found out we're having another baby! My mind has had a hard time focusing on much else. Especially because I've felt as though all the energy has been sucked out of my body. I'm also trying to focus on NOT gaining the 50lbs I did the last two times.......
Now - this whole "challenged" blog is not a mommy blog and I won't be telling you all of the TMI details of my pregnancy, but there are some things I've experienced and some realizations I've had and will continue to have along the way that I'd like to share.
Each one of my pregnancies has been different. The first was a trick (no sickness), the second had me sick the first trimester, and this one - we'll I mentioned that previously. This one also happens to be our last. It seems hard to explain ....knowing that now we'll have the number of children we had always talked about, and having our focus change a bit; knowing that from now on we'll just be able to focus on our kids growing up and doing our best to help them along the way. Of course we wonder what God has in store for this child and what will be different? I've learned something pretty obvious and that is that you can't expect each child's experiences to be the same. In fact, you should expect them to be completely different.
So as I mentioned earlier, I've had some realizations already. One of these that stick out the most to me is that so many of us are called and gifted with the responsibility of being a parent, and unfortunately some just haven't been able to get there yet. But, all of us have different ways and different paths of arriving at the same place. Every parent's journey is unique and should be treasured, pains and all. I can't say that I know what its like to not be able to have children, or to have to go through the long process of adoption or IVF treatments, etc. I don't know why things happen the way the do, like why do some struggle to become parents at the same time that careless drug-addicts can't stop having them? It seems though that whatever journey we all have to go through, a lot of good does come from it.
An acquaintance of mine recently told me of how she and her husband had been trying for seven years to have children including fertility treatments, etc. Just when they had decided to go the route of adoption and were about to start the process, she became pregnant. Everything went smoothly and nine months later their little miracle came to be. When she told me this story I couldn't help but be emotional myself. I could see and feel by the way she spoke of her daughter that her love for her child was deep and intense. To her, although those long seven years will not be forgotten, it was all worth it and those seven years of struggle now made a little more sense.
So although I've felt drained of energy and a little nauseous at times, my experiences are nothing compared to the experiences that many others have had. Its for that reason that I cherish my "story" even more. I guess the point of all this is to say that I respect you greatly if you've had anything but an easy process. You definitely deserve some kind of prestigious award. If you do have the honor of being a parent, whether by adoption or some other route, that child is so blessed to have you as a parent. And if you're still struggling to get there and understand why.......please don't give up. Your story isn't finished yet.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Challenge To Find My Purposes
Yep. Purposes. More than one. I've hit this interesting time in my life where I've been wondering what other giftings are within me that have yet to be unleashed. And understanding the giftings I've known of for a long time. I feel like God is teaching me about who I really am - and there is a lot I am learning.
So a big thing that has stood out lately is learning to take care of myself, and at the same time pouring myself into my current roles. Such as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, artist, jewelry advisor, etc. Each role is one of the many purposes I was put on this earth for. And I feel like there are even purposes within purposes. Like how being a mother has taught me about patience and how to be humble, and at the same time learning how to be a parent to each one of our kids in the way they need. There's a reason I'm their mother and no one else. Even though every day is a learning experience as a parent, I must be confident in y style and abilities as one.
As an artist, specifically as a singer on a church's worship team for most of my "singing career", I've experienced a lot of different situations, changes, etc. I've been challenged myself to not give into the "it's all about me" attitude which can be common in any singing group, whether it's a church group or not. But I've always loved singing, and slough I like a solo every now and then, I am moved the most when there's super tight harmony and/or the entire band/team is just flowing. Hard to describe but you know when you hit it. I'm still not sure what exactly my purpose is for loving music and that aspect of it so much....but I can say that if all I do is ignite one person for something more or moving someone by the way I let loose when I worship, then I am content.
As a Jewelry Advisor for Lia Sophia, I originally started for extra money. I knew I could do it and create an enjoyable experience for my party guests. But as time went on I knew that if I wanted to be successful, I needed to have a purpose that made a difference, deeper than the list of goals I've had for a long time. Although I knew there was a purpose, a reason I had joined the Lia Sophia family, I wasn't entirely sure what that purpose was. After a few months off, I can tell you that I'm starting to see a clearer picture. I recently met with someone who started a non-profit called Free Ever After, a ministry of Sold No More. Their passion/purpose is to see "women and children rescued from the evil industries of sex trafficking and pornography." We met to discuss how a fundraiser(s) through Lia Sophia could benefit something so meaningful. As I was talking to her, hearing statistics and why she got started, something clicked. My purpose in Lia Sophia, a company that prides itself on seeing women succeed, should be to help women feel empowered in whatever they want to do.
All of this has made me truly understand that there's a purpose in everything we do. Sometimes the purpose isn't even clear.....and sometimes it just takes a while to figure out. I'm trying to look at everything I do with that mindset now. I don't want to stick to what I've always done and be where I've always been. Every connection, every circumstance, every situation will lead to another. I don't want to miss any of it.
So a big thing that has stood out lately is learning to take care of myself, and at the same time pouring myself into my current roles. Such as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, artist, jewelry advisor, etc. Each role is one of the many purposes I was put on this earth for. And I feel like there are even purposes within purposes. Like how being a mother has taught me about patience and how to be humble, and at the same time learning how to be a parent to each one of our kids in the way they need. There's a reason I'm their mother and no one else. Even though every day is a learning experience as a parent, I must be confident in y style and abilities as one.
As an artist, specifically as a singer on a church's worship team for most of my "singing career", I've experienced a lot of different situations, changes, etc. I've been challenged myself to not give into the "it's all about me" attitude which can be common in any singing group, whether it's a church group or not. But I've always loved singing, and slough I like a solo every now and then, I am moved the most when there's super tight harmony and/or the entire band/team is just flowing. Hard to describe but you know when you hit it. I'm still not sure what exactly my purpose is for loving music and that aspect of it so much....but I can say that if all I do is ignite one person for something more or moving someone by the way I let loose when I worship, then I am content.
As a Jewelry Advisor for Lia Sophia, I originally started for extra money. I knew I could do it and create an enjoyable experience for my party guests. But as time went on I knew that if I wanted to be successful, I needed to have a purpose that made a difference, deeper than the list of goals I've had for a long time. Although I knew there was a purpose, a reason I had joined the Lia Sophia family, I wasn't entirely sure what that purpose was. After a few months off, I can tell you that I'm starting to see a clearer picture. I recently met with someone who started a non-profit called Free Ever After, a ministry of Sold No More. Their passion/purpose is to see "women and children rescued from the evil industries of sex trafficking and pornography." We met to discuss how a fundraiser(s) through Lia Sophia could benefit something so meaningful. As I was talking to her, hearing statistics and why she got started, something clicked. My purpose in Lia Sophia, a company that prides itself on seeing women succeed, should be to help women feel empowered in whatever they want to do.
All of this has made me truly understand that there's a purpose in everything we do. Sometimes the purpose isn't even clear.....and sometimes it just takes a while to figure out. I'm trying to look at everything I do with that mindset now. I don't want to stick to what I've always done and be where I've always been. Every connection, every circumstance, every situation will lead to another. I don't want to miss any of it.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
The Challenge to Date My Husband
Not that dating my husband is a challenge, but when you have kids, a job, responsibilities.....certain things take a lower place on the priority list. It's not intentional, it's just "life" getting in the way. We've been married for ten years and have been through all kinds of things. The same things that worked in the "dating" phase definitely don't work in this stage. At least not for me. So we started planning dates, like actually on the calendar a week in advance.
We've actually gone out for the last few weekends in a row. We've been trying to go somewhere new every time we go out, even if it's just the coffee shop after dinner. Sometimes we have deep conversations, and then there are times like this last weekend that we just talk about whatever. But we talk..... It's kinda fun.
What it's done for me is that I have something to look forward to all week - and I get excited. Kind of like the excitement you get when you're first dating or you're newly weds. The excitement for dates with my husband is bringing excitement about my husband. I look at my husband differently, like I'm all in looooove. I'm starting to appreciate my husband again for who he is as my husband and as a man.
The excitement is like a ripple effect. I'm also feeling better about myself and I've had more peace than usual, which really helps me as a mom. I don't have the answers and solutions or "How-To's" for keeping your marriage exciting and alive. But the simple act of intentional dating is bringing a spark back and I'm looking forward to what happens next.
This week's observation: Went to a funeral this last weekend for a lady in her 80's who had been married for over 60 years. The most impactful part of the visitation and ceremony for this incredible woman was seeing her husband stand at her casket for about ten minutes holding her hand. After wondering what could possibly be going through his mind and heart, I started thinking about what I could do to have a relationship like that with my husband in 60 years. I'm sure over time they've had more than a couple rough moments, but I think if I continue to be open to change and to God leading us in our lives and marriage, we'll end up with a great story of our own.
We've actually gone out for the last few weekends in a row. We've been trying to go somewhere new every time we go out, even if it's just the coffee shop after dinner. Sometimes we have deep conversations, and then there are times like this last weekend that we just talk about whatever. But we talk..... It's kinda fun.
What it's done for me is that I have something to look forward to all week - and I get excited. Kind of like the excitement you get when you're first dating or you're newly weds. The excitement for dates with my husband is bringing excitement about my husband. I look at my husband differently, like I'm all in looooove. I'm starting to appreciate my husband again for who he is as my husband and as a man.
The excitement is like a ripple effect. I'm also feeling better about myself and I've had more peace than usual, which really helps me as a mom. I don't have the answers and solutions or "How-To's" for keeping your marriage exciting and alive. But the simple act of intentional dating is bringing a spark back and I'm looking forward to what happens next.
This week's observation: Went to a funeral this last weekend for a lady in her 80's who had been married for over 60 years. The most impactful part of the visitation and ceremony for this incredible woman was seeing her husband stand at her casket for about ten minutes holding her hand. After wondering what could possibly be going through his mind and heart, I started thinking about what I could do to have a relationship like that with my husband in 60 years. I'm sure over time they've had more than a couple rough moments, but I think if I continue to be open to change and to God leading us in our lives and marriage, we'll end up with a great story of our own.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The Challenge to Be Challenged
Live Challenged is going to be a blog about challenging myself to do new things, dealing with old things, and discovering the woman God created me to be. Life becomes challenging when you have anything or anyone other than yourself to take care of and worry about. There are some people who thrive on having a million things on their plate. Then there are those like me who have a hard time handling more than one thing at a time and ever putting myself first.
In this discovery of new things and learning how to deal with life, some of the challenges will be: discovering how God designed me and accepting who I am; trying not to be like anyone else; trying not to be down on myself because I've compared myself to another wife or mother. Other than challenging myself as a wife, mother and individual, I'll talk about challenging myself as an artist, musician, fashionista, runner, and lover of clean eating just to name a few.
I know this journey may not be easy, but the possibilities are endless and exciting. I'm going to do my best to Live Challenged and I'm so looking forward to sharing it with you!
In this discovery of new things and learning how to deal with life, some of the challenges will be: discovering how God designed me and accepting who I am; trying not to be like anyone else; trying not to be down on myself because I've compared myself to another wife or mother. Other than challenging myself as a wife, mother and individual, I'll talk about challenging myself as an artist, musician, fashionista, runner, and lover of clean eating just to name a few.
I know this journey may not be easy, but the possibilities are endless and exciting. I'm going to do my best to Live Challenged and I'm so looking forward to sharing it with you!
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